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A Revenger Is You!
"A Revenger Is You!" is a promotional brochure published in 1976 by the Hai-Tal Corporation of Walla Walla Washington, promoting youths to join the forces of Awesome and renounce their heritage. After public outcry from the Catholic church and their Knights, many protestant groups, the John Birch society, free masons, scientologists, and all the other forces of the illuminati, all available copies were rounded up and burnt. Reproduced below is a transcription of the only surviving portion of this document. : Hey Kids! [written across balloons held by a clown - ed] : If you are: an ingenius inventor of advanced weapons technology, an extraterrestrial with powers far beyond those of Earthly mortals, really good at math, a diety or demi-god of ancient myth, a living symbol of some otherwise abstract belief, rather skilled in some regard, a sorcerer supreme, a hybrid human posessing incredible primal skills of hunting and tracking, invulnerable to damage, a mystical monster including but not limited to dragons, encumbered with lots of money, an evolutionary or even toxic mutant, an alchemist, able to regenerate at impressive rates, can induce radiation, in part or whole sentient robot, commander of legions of animals, underground denizens, or the dead, you yourself are undead, or can rejuvenate teammates from the dead, a hideous beast with immense strength, a victim of cosmic happenstance and science gone horribly wrong, or a girl, then the REVENGERISTS (consortium of stuff) is the place for you! We'll start you in our unpaid internship program, where we'll show you the ins and outs of crime-fighting and super-advanced macro-philantropy. Then you'll move on to our Accelerated program where you'll pad out that resume and do some good for mankind in the process! Learn how to control those devastating outbursts capable of leveling entire neighborhoods! Get a free t-shirt!* : ... [ indecipherable ]... : Is the way the Adults run the world scarey and confusing to you? Do you like comi[cbooks more th]an homework? Are you smarter than your report card says you are? Then you just may be a vicof circumstance! It's not your Fault! : ... [charred beyond recognition] ... : You could be the next President of a major corporation if onl[y TH]EY would let you! What does Orville Reddenbacher know that you don't!? : ... missing'' ... : See the world! Fight tgood Fight! Just send a self-addressed stamped envelope and this week's lunch money to... [indecipherable] ... po box ... [charred] ... wa 99362 to receive your FREE REVENGING STARTER GUIDE! : *High school diploma or GED is a must, current enrollment in a university or instituion is not a prerequisite, t-shirts may be on back order for several millenia whilst interdimensional shadow beings are at large, some rules and conditions may apply, not responsible for injurious fate resulting from dismemberment, immolation, suffocation, combustion, implosion, explosion, corrosion, deatomization, viral infection, squishing or perhaps squooshing, zombification, sudden blood loss, banishment to nether-realms, and/or indigestion, not valid with any other offer in Utah, while supplies last. Category:Artifacts Category:Things